It’s so much easier to blame someone else for everything. They should’ve been more understanding. They are so close-minded. They didn’t give me enough time. They should’ve worked on themselves more.

Blame makes the world go around, right?

It also keeps the mind trapped, and turns it into the most obsessive lawyer/detective in the world. It replays the story over and over, trying to prove that I am the “good” one, that I deserve more than that.

So what if I were right? I’m still left empty-hearted. And most of the time, I can’t even win this argument against myself. I just end up being stuck.

A long time ago, I was consumed by the fear of regret. My therapist said, “It’s not so much about not having regrets, but more about if you can live with the consequences.”

Ah, consequences. I had a part in this, too. Sure, I would’ve liked more time to tell my story right (not to alter the truth, but to tell it with more context, more emotional journey, more nuance). Now I must live with the consequences from my own actions.

And even if I did everything right, would it change the outcome? Not necessarily. Even if I did everything right and they did everything right, people are still entitled to their boundaries. I must respect the boundaries.

I feel myself yearning to lean in, offer more, hope for more, hold on for more, just because I think I can help. But that’s exactly it - nobody asked for it. So if the lesson didn’t stick this time, it will come back again. And again. And again, until it finally sinks in. That’s not my concern.

A truly graceful goodbye is cutting ties cleanly. Wish the other person well, claim my part in the story, and take back my energy.

So is this finally it? Accept what I cannot change, and have the courage to keep going.