A long, long time ago, I used to believe that time is the sole indicator of the success of a relationship. I thought the longer two people have been together, the stronger their bonds must be.

Maybe? Sometimes it is indeed true. A lot of times it isn’t. Too many people spend way too much time with the wrong person. Being together for 10 years is not a badge of honor. It only shows your endurance.

If time doesn’t determine quality, what does?

Love isn’t my strongest department, but if I could draw from my experience, I’d say it’s the alignment and connectedness.

You know what it feels like you want to smack the table because someone said exactly what’s on your mind. You can act based on instincts and somehow still say all the right things. Even when you’re apart, you feel the invisible thread. Or is it the quantum entanglement?

It’s unbelievably rare and precious to have this level of quality. And time has nothing to do with it. You could meet someone for 2 weeks and feel more understood than the accumulative, exhausting love endeavours of your whole life.

Time is more like a placebo - you use it to numb the deep-seated unhappiness of your situation. It’s a defense mechanism - you can pledge “not long enough” when you need a way out.

I can’t remember exactly when I stopped looking at time as a progress bar. Maybe it happened when I kept missing my own milestones. Must I get married by 30? Must I have kids by 35?

If we take time at face value, it’s simply a reminder that we’re losing something. It should be a reminder that we’re on this beautiful earth and life journey for so little time, and that none shall be wasted numbing the mind.